SAPPHIRE AND FADED JEANS Ü

wait. race? what race? nothing eh. it is just me who thinks that bloggahing is a race. anyway, this is like my n^th blog in the WWW. MG. xanga's my last one and i left it permanently. this time, you can link me. yaaaahooooo!

setting aside my bloggah rants, i will now rant about my boredom, my frustration and oh, my crazy summer.

SUPER SUMMER START:

• march 19 - 20: Antipolo with Retorika babies
• march 25 - 26: Batangas with the BLOCKÜ (xoxoxoxo)
• april 8 - 10: (?) shit. SUBBIICC with ela and maan.

SUBIC -- just for 500 bucks? gravy. i need to go. TF. i still don't have a job to compensate for my wiggly - jiggly bones. i hate PS. i hate their HR for telling me that i can stay for two months. april's creeping in for cyring out loud and i still don't have a job. this is so not me. i should get things in order. MG.

to - happen list:

1. have a job by 4 - 01- OWEYT.
2. lose weight. (hell with depression!)
3. BE NICE.
4. color my hair.
5. finish PERSUASION.
6. change my whole wardrobe.
7. exercise regularly.
8. touch love my bodyÜ
9. sleep early.
10. lessen my caffeine intake (ngeh. aaassaa. NO WAY!)

hindi na ako natuto. here i go again. i don't know how to take a break. a time - out from the speed, from the oh so psyche - boggling experience of toot toot toot toot.

"be cautious" , a friend once told me.

ay nako. no matter how many times i say that i'll be wary about things, i always end up doing the opposite. i just let it take me. masyado akong nagpapadala. in the end, ako din ang talo. i am defeated. defeated with nothing else left for myself. lahat na lang lumipad. di ko man lang nahila or nahabol. shitty, right?

now that it is all happening again, i should still be healthy. i don't want to compromise anymore. been there, done that. it was never a smooth - sailing ride. sometimes i can pretend that it is. but, when reality strikes, only HE knows how much i fold in pain.

i should've stopped it from the very start. i should've jumped from the cliff with those thoughts in my pocket. but NO. i pursued it thinking that i can fix it. crappy things happened and it was all directed to me. i didn't have the tiniest chance of finding a cover or a replacement.

okay na ako. i am fixed. still there are some sights that i refuse to see. i am not yet ready. silence does the trick. NR is the best state that i could achieve -- so far. i could walk - away. run and start a new life in another place. pero HINDI. i will stay. i will face it. sobra na ako sa pagtakbo. siguro turn naman ng iba. ngayon, di ko na kailangan ng assurance. that is too much to ask. i will just live. live my life. no more, no less.