July 20th, 2008
=(
talk is cheap and so are you.
+ kupita.
because i view life from a hole in my neighbor's backyard fence, i don't see everything quickly as compared with other people. i need time to digest things. i hate new set-ups. i have this tendency to be so attached with the old one that when the new one comes along, i really don't know what to do. na-realize ko din pala that my filtering system malfunctions when i am sleepy or when i am thinking too much. ayan a. hint na yan para sa mga taong gusto akong awayin.
whoa! i need coffee. seryoso lang. i need to save money. i need to go shopping. i need a boyfriend. i need to be happy. i need to accept things as they are. wa? i need to love myself.
una.
pwede ko bang gamitin itong tabulas para mag-drama? hindi. ayoko. nu wi.
second.
natatakot ako.
tweny - nu.
napapagod na din pala ako. di na kaya ng daily energy levels ko.
chuelve.
schizophrenia? MPD? shit. meron ka ata. kaya pala. sabi ko na nga ba. i am so galing!
piftin.
masyado na. may nakakalimutan na ako. ayoko na ako yung mas may lamang. mahirap yun, babe. tama na.
Two years ago, I was this innocent girl who never slept without reading a chapter or two in her textbooks. She'd rather finish up an assignment than talk with a friend over coffee. She had spent her freetime at home watching DVD's and reading novels instead of meeting up with her girlfriends to hang-out and have a good time. Two years ago, I was likable. I was a GOOD girl. I was not happy.
Now, i am happier. I may not be as likable as i used to be; but, i still possess the same old sweetness that made me shine in spite of gloom and longing. Way, i am a bad girl. a good girl gone bad. haha. nyeh-eh. kiddings! i just decided to free myself form those maria clara-ish principles and Über conservative views i once had about life and stuffs that's in it.
today, she can now sleep without reading the prescribed article in class. she is so ready to ditch her homeworks over a talk with a friend. her freetimes these days are not spent inside the crib unless, she is so angry that she wants to kill herself (do you get how much i hate staying at home?).
i know that i've changed -- a lot. i once thought that i was lost. i was this close (pretend that you can see my thumb and my index finger so close to each other) to being my highschool self again. fortunately, i found myself, my happiness, my fulfillment and my contentment just in time.